Came across the below on my computer as I was organizing my folders. I used to get these kind of emails from friends and family and would file away the funny ones. I’m going to start one of these “From the Archives” series to post some of them. Enjoy!
“Capitalism & Cows”
Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.
Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute…
Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.
Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?
Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.
Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.
Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.
Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.
Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.
Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.
Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.
Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.
Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.
Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.
Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.
Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.
Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.
Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.
